The Story of a Little Girl

Let me tell you a story about a Little Girl. Little Girl is from one of the European Countries. Her family life might not have been ideal, but her parents loved her (even too much one could say). Like every little girl, this Little Girl liked flowers (plants in general - she had quiet a collection), fluffy pink things (she couldn't resist it), puppies and kittens (she dreamed of having a mini boxer), old cartoons (e.g. Moomins), anime (she considered Sailor Moon a good ol' classic) and Siwon from Super Junior (whom she was sure to meet and marry). She considered herself quiet an expert in gender-studies (not only was she a Girl but she had read all those big name books), religion (ha! she even lectured a bewildered Buddhist monk on the principles of the religion he was representing) and ice-skating (she had watched EVERY competition since late 90s. and she could tell that Kim Yuna was slowly deteriorating).
The Little Girl had not been doing well in college. Again, it wasn't because she lacked intelligence - on the contrary: like most Little Girls she was smart and knew a lot of things. She just couldn't cope that 'they' - the professors, school staff, other students were demanding her to file in assignments on time, to get the right documents, to take exams, to come to study group meetings etc. The Little Girl girl considered herself 'a child of the wind'. She had so many brilliant ideas but she wanted to them her way - not with everyone telling her. Having started (and never finished) 5 different majors, she decided to come to Korea. She would, she planned, study fashion design. Not just any clothes - she dreamed of designing figure skater's costumes. Korea wasn't maybe the hub of fashion design (yet), but she had taken Japanese Studies for a few semesters and figured out the two countries cannot be all that diffrent.
She first arrived in Seoul in a chilly January morning of 2009. The trip had been a nightmare for the Little Girl (as she's afraid of flying), but she was finally at her destination. Her daddy dear had sponsored the whole trip, including a 3 month course at one of the best language schools. She completed one level and then, to her dismay, it was time to go back home, to finish her final semester at the Japanese department (and finally get a diploma). She decided to ditch the school and come back to Korea. The Little Girl went to both her mummy dear and daddy dear to ask for money. You see, the Little Girl had never had a real job, so she didn't have much saved up. However the economic situation in the country (the whole world, in fact) was bad, and mummy dear and daddy dear were both struggling to make ends meet. But how could they refuse their only daughter who had such beautiful dream? Besides, who knows, maybe the Little Girl would finally meet a Little Boy who would make her happy? So they gave her the little money they had.
She arrived again this Seoul, but things where not going as smoothly as before. She couldn't afford a comfortable hasuk, so she had to move into a goshiwon, where the room was merely the size of a closet her grandmother had back home. She also couldn't pay for the good language school, so she signed up for a shabby hagwon. Even so, she had barely any money left. Too make things worse, because she couldn't pay up front for her semester at the language school, so she didn't have a visa. Therefore every three months she had to take the train to Busan to catch a ferry for Japan. And that was eating up money as well (but she finally saw Japan! The land of her favorite comic characters)
Fortunately, the Little Girl met two people who, despite being angry and loud and vulger, pitied her and were more than willing to help her. They borrowed her money (from the little allowance they had themselves) when she couldn't pay the rent, they gave her winter clothes (because they couldn't bare the fact that she was walking around in a thin jacket), whenever they could they bought her food (trying to remember she hates eating meat). They also took her out to clubs and showed her the Seoul she never knew - of nightlife, people and fun. Before that she would spend time walking alone around the neighborhood or watching movies in her tiny matchbox room. The new friends also tried introducing the Little Girl to random boys (they kind of agreed with mummy dear and daddy dear that meeting a man would do her good). However, to the Little Girls disappointment, they were trying to get her interested not in young, pretty Siwon-like boys, but in white-collar, serious gentlemen, who (the Little Girl was sure of that) were over thirty. The Little Girl thought this was a bit mean.
In the meantime her friends' friend's friend found her a job. Because of her country of origin, it was an illegal gig at hagwons teaching English. Fortunately, the Little Girl spoke English well enough and could get away with being a native speaker (unlike some of the Russian girls with heavy accents, she could decisive even the actual, real native speakers). Her friends thought this was a bit too risky and shady, but decided that until she applies for university in spring that will have to do. The Little Girl, on the other hand, was delighted with herself. For the first time in her life she had a real job! And she was getting money which she could spend on those adorable Moomin notebooks and Hello Kitty pencils! On top of that she loved the adorable Korean children. And the hagwon owners were so nice to her! They would even offer her kimbab during her breaks.
Spring came, and her friends reminded her it was time to apply for university. The Little Girl felt her heart go down - she despised deadlines, document submissions, making boring portfolios. She missed one deadline, but she made it on time for the application period at one of the women’s universities. As she was a girl, she was sure they would accept her and give her a full scholarship. Maybe even a stipend? She was a bit upset with her friends for being skeptic, especially about her portfolio - what did they know about design and arts anyway? She was sure the professors would acknowledge her raw talent and enthusiasm. One of the friends meaningfully asked why she wouldn't go and meet the professors before applying? To get the feel of the department, to show her projects, try to promote herself. 'This is stupid MBA talk' the Little Girl snorted. But deep inside, although she wouldn't admit it, she was just too scared – she would probably have to talk in Korean.
To her surprise the university rejected her. She sat confused for a bit in her room. How could that be? But she quickly regained her enthusiasm - she hadn't really liked the university's program anyway (at least the short and vague version she found on the English website). She had saved a bit of money and (like daddy dear had told her to) she would go again to the good language school and finish all the levels, continuing with her hagwon job. One of the friends pointed out that maybe it would be better for her to finish her undergraduate studies in her home country before trying again in Korea. The Little Girl didn't listen. She was liking this friend less and less for being a know-it-all and always over concerned about her. She was, after all, on her own now, with her own pay check (in form of a white envelope passed secretly at the subway station by her boss).
She still had to go to Japan every 3 months, but now that she had money it wasn't such a big problem. Or she thought it wasn't. It was beginning of fall and it was yet again time to leave Korea for a day. Early in the morning she went to the train station to catch a train going South. Mummy dear had just sent her a new bank card and she wanted to use it to pay. But it wasn't working! In total panic the Little Girl called mummy dear, but mummy dear was sound asleep, as it was the middle of the night in Little Girl's home country. So she called one of her friends. The friend was busy that day, but having heard that the Little Girl couldn't make the visa run, the friend dropped everything she was doing and rushed to help. The Little Girl would be deported if she didn't go to Japan the next day the latest. The friend thought for a moment and asked whether the Little Girl had the money she had saved for the language school. The Little Girl shook her head and reminded her that a few weeks back they had both lent some money to the other friend who had surgery (because surgeries are expensive in Korea and private insurance requires you to pay up front and then get reimbursed). Since the insurance still hadn't refunded the bills, they still didn't have the money back. The friend thought for a longer moment and asked whether the Little Girl had any friends who would lend her money for the trip. The Little Girl got lost in thought - she didn't really have friends other than the two. But she remembered a woman from her country, who was living in Korea, working for a company and was sure to have money so she called her. Because people from the country are always helpful, more so when living abroad, so the woman eagerly agreed to borrow her money and asked for her bank account. The Little Girl went blank: mummy dear's card wasn't working so she wouldn't have access to the money, and since she didn't have a visa, she couldn't open an account in Korea. The friend, who was listening to the conversation, sighed and told her to give friend's bank account number. 'However', said the generous woman, 'since I'm sending the money from my foreign bank account, they money won't arrive until tomorrow morning.'
The friend started panicking because she had things to do in the morning and wouldn't be able to go to the travel agency with the Little Girl. The Little Girl didn't understand what the problem was - she would take the friend's bank card and buy the plane ticket herself. After all she was using mummy dear's card all the time and no one seemed to care. The friend stared at her in shock - give someone you bank card?! The Little Girl could see this was going nowhere so she did what little girls did best - burst into tears. The friend panicked - the Little Girl crying was a dangerous sign of a dramatic scene (and they were sitting in a coffee shop). So she agreed to give her the card. As long as she would give it back right away after buying the ticket. 'This has been a long day,' the Little Girl told the unusually quiet friend, ‘I think I will have suicidal thoughts tonight'. And she ran off to her goshiwon, before the friend would have a chance to comment.
The next day the Little Girl went to the travel agency and bought the plane ticket. But the departure time was in 2,5 hours so she didn't have time to go to the friend's school to give back the bank card. 'Oh well', she thought, as she got on the bus going to the airport, 'I'll be back tomorrow. In time to meet my adorable students and ruffle their black, gorgeous hair'. She felt a bit guilty about not picking up the friend's urgent phone calls, but she felt that the friend would be angry with her. And what made the Little Girl want to cry the most was people being angry with her.
The flight, as she had dreaded, was horrible. She was so worn out she sent the night, until her return flight, at the airport (but she bought the friend a little candy box with Hello Kitty!). When she returned to Seoul (after seeing an endless list of missed calls), the Little Girl went to the friend's house. The friend was angry - she could tell by the clenched fists and the shacking voice. She gave back the card and the gift and was about to run away, when the friend stopped her.
'Little Girl,' said the friend, 'please tell me. How is it that a 30 year old woman like you couldn't check before hand if her bank account works? How come you didn't book your tickets at least one week earlier? Why did you borrow money to our friend, even though it was obvious that it might be needed during your trip?'
'Why do you never ever plan anything?' the friend continued, 'This is not you home country, where your parents can always take care of you. We are thousands of kilometers away in a foreign country. We have to be responsible for ourselves. Why is it that our other friend and I always have to take care of you? You're older than us! You should be able to take care of yourself at least. After all you are not a child anymore'
'So,' the friend finished off, 'from now on I'm not going to help you the way I used to. I think we shouldn't have done so from the beginning - we should have let you try to get up on your own. Come to think off that, we might have done you more harm playing Mother Theresa. So from now on, grow up, Little Girl. I'm too tired of this and I need a break from you. Otherwise, I might end up going insane'.
The Little Girl was hurt by these words. Especially, by the fact that the friend had mentioned her age out-loud. She didn't understand what the friend wanted from her: grow up? Who wanted to be an adult?! She had seen mummy dear and daddy dear as well as other adults and she could see they were unhappy. She didn't want to be unhappy! She wanted to live in her goshiwon room, with her plants and mini boxer, go for walks with her Siwon-boyfriend and buy the pretty pink things they had in shops in Korea. She called the other friend (who was now living in another, far away city) and told, sobbing, him how mean the friend had been. The other friend got angry (Little Girl was always aware he had daddy instincts towards her) and said he'd call the friend. Later he called her back: 'I got into a big fight with the friend' said the other friend. The Little Girl could tell he was more said than angry. He and the friend had been very close, intimate friends. The Little Girl even envied them their friendship. And now they broke off all contact.
The days went by. The Little Girl continued her illegal job at the hagwon and started taking classes at the language school again. She would talk to the other friend sometimes on the phone, but he had his new life in a new city and would talk about his excessive sex life (the Little Girl was always intimidated but sex talk - after all Siwon would never talk about such things!) rather than listen to the Little Girl's stories about puppies she saw on the street or about how her students make adorable sounds when they try to speak in English. She would sometimes see the friend on the street, rushing to her university classes or talking with some strange people. But the Little Girl was too scared to approach her.
The new university application period was drawing near and the Little Girl started wandering if she even had a chance of getting accepted. 'Maybe' she wondered, 'I should do as the friend said: finish my studies at home and come back better prepared.' She felt the unwelcome feeling of dread spill in. And she turned on the goshiwon TV. To her joy, they were replaying old episodes of Sailor Moon.